FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST!

On the 8th of February I will be officially divorced from Lauren Jane Smith-Poirier, regaining my individuality and my market value. How thrilling after 20+ years. And I did it all by myself, cut through the California bureaucracy like a knife through butter. Actually the process could be better described as a plastic spoon (or a 'spork' since the word is now accepted by the Mirriam-Webster, a plastic spoon with serrations like a fork on its front end), ...a spork in frozen peanut butter, with many waves of doubt that possibly form 721A needed to included the seven annexes describing my assets, including a letter from my employer?? stating my salary for the last 20 years. Let it be known that I am now available for matrimony, not having set a price yet. Problem is that availability will be short as we might be getting married on the high seas as our Holland-American cruise starts on the 9th. You ladies have ONE DAY ONLY to auction me off the block. That transaction is CASH only because of the state of the mortgage credit in America. But if Nikki chickens out on the high seas, my but will go back on the block at Sothebies.